My Aunt asked me to give a general update on how I’m doing, and normally I try to write something informative and positive, but I’m kind of “SCREW THAT” I’m feeling shitty, my left hand seems to be getting weaker. I am tired most of the time and sometimes I am blind with tiredness. I become so exhausted that just want to lay and not get up.
Last night Susie asked me to get her some water and I said no, and then walked upstairs and fell asleep in my clothes. I woke up 12 hours later. I get irritable, not the normal kind of irritable but the type that I would describe as stabby, mean and nasty kind of irritable. The kind you have to apologize for the next day, it’s embarrassing.
Boomer (our dog) shit in the kitchen this morning. Actually a decoy shit because he had shit again on a brown rug that I didn’t see and stepped in. It was such a huge poo that it went over the edge of my Birkenstocks. He’s a good boy, but it was a hard way to wake up. Everything is cleaned up and I am airing out the house.
My throat is sore and my tongue still deviates to the left. My voice is hoarse and in the back of my mind I am terrified that my next symptom might be the loss of my voice.
There are days I wake where my whole body aches, and then there are days I wake feeling just fine. It’s not exercise related, it just appears to be random. I once was so fit, now there are days when walking up the stair just hurts.
My left arm twitches constantly, the nerve is always firing in my forearm. It has become so constant that I don’t notice it anymore. I have constant pins and needles in my left hand and my arm aches and hurts like hell if I bump my elbow, which I do constantly.
My lower intestines have revolted and it is as if someone has rubbed my anus with poison ivy. It might be related to my change in diet or something else like stress. Who knows what the cause is but what I do know is that I can’t walk around scratching my ass all the time.
So today I feel low in body, mind, and spirit and all I want to do is eat ice cream.
As I go through this process of waiting to see if another symptom might emerge to help with the diagnosis there are days I feel fine and I think it is all behind me and there are days like today where I feel there is a sickness lurking inside me like an inky shadow.